What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 08:44
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
What did i know ?
What is the most peculiar thing about the human brain?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I think the readers, may guess!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What is your daily motivation and does it work?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im still living with it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
How do I convince my husband that a threesome is okay?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I waited trembling.
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Would this be the day?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One cannot live in the past .
Why are American women so ugly nowadays?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
How good do you sing and how do you know this?
My family never makes their pension either.
So whats the point in blame.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What is it like to use a Fleshlight?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What were some things that the ancient Greeks excelled at compared to the Romans?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He knew the spot.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My life is so biszare .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I said to her
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I write beautiful poetry .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Put me off passion for life!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So, i spoilt her more .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She found it foreign!.
I don,t even have a pension.
And i lived it daily.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We all went to grammer schools
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was in good health!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Comes on , in middle age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was seconnd youngest,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But, we were locked up after school.
All the time i was locked up.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
She wouldn,t have been !
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it wasn’t much.
Who then, do I blame.?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She married twice! .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When she asked me how she looked .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why did i forgive my father ?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was 9 years of age.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I never cut or harmed myself..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were not on the streets..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was scared of men, in general
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.